Teaser

There is nothing worse than being made fun of.

Today in science class, due to five hours of sleep (which i considered a good thing), i was made fun of for being (acting really) slow. I kept asking questions and asking if it was correct and they found it hilarious and an easy target of laughing, they being my peers. Then, as if that wasn't enough, they insisted on calling me Potato from now on because they claimed i looked like one.

Other than that, there isn't much to talk about, ha ha! Last night I wrote this answer to one of my own questions:

Where Do You Escape?
       The good-bye hugs are ten times longer than the ones people give when greeting. Why? They want to remember the last happy moment, the last embrace, the last smell of the person. When that smell wears off though, and the happiest memory has disappeared, where do you go to be joyous and positive once more?
       When my last hug to (my cousin and best friend) Sally was given, and the happy thoughts leave, piano seems to suffice. I sit in the black deskchair and just let my fingers take control. They spread themselves across the keys and play melodies and chords that reflect my mood. Then again, sleep is gone right now and writing seems to help me escape too. Writing down the answers to my seemingly endless list of thought-provoking questions seems to satisfy some distant part of me.
       What does it mean to escape? To push the sad or angering thoughts to the back of your head? Or somehow figuring out how to erase neagative thoughts completely from your mind? Can there be a mixture? To escape, for me, means ignoring the deteriating thoughts and doing whatever feels satisfactory. How can one describe their getaway? I wouldn't necessarily call my escapes paradise, but at the same time, i am pretty peaceful when i sit in my grey deskchair and write, or the black chair and play piano. Peace. There's a good question! Where's your peace of mind? Where does every stressful situation diminish? Is there even a place for that? I suppose your attitude on the situation determines your peacefulness. If i was angry, say at my brother, I'd slam my door and blast music while cleanign to push away the anger. But that isn't peace to me. It's anger management.
      Where do you escape? Ideally, I'd get myself to Custer State Park in the Black Hills of South Dakota and go swim, hike, then spend the afternoon writing on the rocks, but that isn't reality. Reality is, I'd take my notebook, head to the piano, and play my soul into the keys until i found my inspiration to write my books. From there I jot down my feelings and thoughts like a journal in story- form.
                                                    Go Escape.

That's what i wrote last night, ha ha! Anyways, good night!

The Intro of Me

The last one is just a picture I love so much. If you can't read it, it says: "The movie 'Missing' could not be used because the original file could not be found. Would you like to locate it?" This picture and others cheer me up a lot (: i'll post a different one every day. The pictures above are from Wisconsin. One is of me, the other is of a pretty twilight i couldn't resist taking a picture of because it makes me think of God and how wonderful He is!

I'm new to blogs so you'll have to work with me, ha ha! I made this because a few of my friends have blogs and I'm one of those kids who if i don't write something down, it'll stick in my mind as if it's glued to the top of my brain.

Ok, lets start with an introduction? I'm Abigail, i'm fourteen, and I have many interests but few hobbies. I play piano, have been for seven years, I am a big writer, I have been since third grade, and I babysit a lot. I'm great with kids because i have 25 cousins who are all around six or younger, my youngest cousin being barely a year old. One thing I feel the need to mention because i'll most likely talk about a lot, is that I am recovering from anorexia. You'll slowly realize throughout my posts that it really has hurt my life. I'm also developing insomnia.My book (Dancing in the Rain) In case you want to read it!

I love God. He's the only way i make it through stressful freshman year of high school, this eating disorder, and my slow development of insomnia. Without Him i would've never seen a reason to recover from this. My favorite verse is: "Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7. Another favorite is "Through God i can crush any army. With Him I can scale any wall." -Psalm 18:29 I have many loved verses, forty-two of which are written inside my closet to remind me every time i wake up and go to bed.

I'm a thinker. My slow development of insomnia allows a lot of time to think about questions i have or wonder about. When I first began struggling with sleep, I had so many questions I had to ask my friends some of them before i exploded! I wrote them all down, and counted 175 life-thinking questions. My favorite five are:
1. Is something worth saving if you never spend it?
2. What memory would you never get rid of?
3. What would your "priceless" commercial consist of? (The Mastercard slogan?)
4. What item will you never want?
5. (For those who are not Christians) How do you decide what is right and wrong?

Ha ha those are just a few(: Other random information about me: I love alternative music people might consider weird: Regina Spektor? I also enjoy Snow Patrol, Tenth Avenue North, Casting Crowns, and Owl City. Their songs always make me think hard about things. My favorite color is definitely lime green like fresh grass. I love to make new friends (hint hint message me or comment on this). I love diet pepsi with a passion! I was going to be a twin but then they died. 

I've written 8 books so far. None are published, i haven't built the confidence to submit them though. My most recent book is the title of my blog: Dancing in the Rain. It's about a girl dealing with cancer but with that, a new relationship, family problems, and self-discoveries. It might sound cliche but I'm really proud of the progress i've made with it. I'm on my third draft of it which means after the fourth one i won't mess with it any more.

OK, now for my actual blog:
         Today was tough. One of my friends ate 5 slices of cucumber and 2 carrots. She's never not eaten before but I can tell she doesn't want food anymore. As someone with anorexia, it's tough to watch that. I dragged her to the cafeteria to make her get something (i offered to pay) but she almost threw a fit. None of my friends know about my eating disorder, nor do my parents. Only some online buddies who really know how to support me.
         Because of my sleep problems, i haven't yet discovered how to handle the sleep deprivation (spelling?). In science I was teased by my friends for asking stupid questions but i'm seriously lost because i'm zoning out constantly and always self-conscious that my answers are incorrect. That was no fun.
Yesterday I ate 530 calories but burned 450 off so i was really at around 80 calories which was way too low, even for me. Today i've had around 860 and the bad thoughts keep coming back telling me i should be like the friend i saw at lunch. Why can't i bring myself to go to the cafeteria and just get something because i want it?
        I'm in the questions mood again...
That will be all tonight. My blog is still developing it's personality and style, so this is just my plain blog. :) thanks for reading!
-Me